Loosing a friend
Today I lost a friend. No, not as in death. I sure hope not.
But it was still a death sort of.
A while ago, I met someone who I felt “wow, what a wonderful person”.
We met on a chat site. It all started with her answering a question I had. I went to read her profile on the site. I read and read every single word of it and felt “Does such people even exist?”
To me, this was something rare.
We continued to chat from time to time for a few days, but then it accelerated to a daily chat and often several times a day.
The chats were about everything from the weather to things I haven´t told a lot of people in this world.
Sure I have lots of people I consider my buddies, but not many that I have told my deepest inner thoughts.
I never fell in love with her but I also told her that I can´t say it would or would not happen if we ever met in real life. I can´t say I love someone until I spend some irl with her.
The problem was (or was it actually good, I don´t know) that we live about 600 km´s from each other.
Very often we hear that we should be careful with who we go meet irl from the net. I definately agree 100%.
I wouldn´t have wanted to meet her irl the next day or the next month. Perhaps in 10 years or something. I told her this and I am not sure I ever got a clear answer from her, but I would not expect someone to tell inner thoughts if the person didn´t agree with me about continuing the friendship outside the net.
Today I found out I was just another chatbuddy to her.
I don´t hope I was, since much of the things she told me was on the “Can I tell you a secret”-stage.
Oh well, I guess this post become a little confusing and I am sorry for that.
To Lisette…
I don´t know if you read this but if you do…
I love you like my friend!
I do not usually go out to the public and announce that I have a lump in my throat when writing things. But yes I have that at the moment and I have never gone out to public to say…
You will be missed greatly but it´s your choice to call me a chatbuddy, but to me you were a wonderful friend.
With whoever you teams up with in a beautiful honest future friendship, I wish you two the very best of luck.
You go on and take care now and live a happy life.
Thomas, sorry that it didn’t turn into anything more than a chat buddy. You are a very nice caring person and deserve the same in return. Hope you find it.
Oh Thomas, I’m sorry it turned out this way.
In the past I too have had very dear chat friends who came to mean so much more to me than just friends. Sadly the friendship didn’t stand the test of time. Take heart, my friend. Sometimes your “buddies” can be closer friends than you think. We all care about you. You mean the world to us. Maybe we just don’t say it enough.
Love,
Bunni
Thanks Bruce and Bunni. ({)
I agree with you Bunni. Very often “buddies” become closer than we think and I also couldn´t agree more on “Maybe we just don’t say it enough”.
That´s where me and the person I orginally wrote about crashed.
In one of our last chats we spoke much about needs and wantings. What she need and want, what I need and want. I have always tried to live by the rule that if you appreciate someone, you make sure he/she gets to know it. It can be by words, a touch, giving him/her a appreciating look with your eyes, basically anything. To me, showing appreciation is a part of life.
The problem for me and my friend is that we live about 600 km´s from each other, so basically Msn is where we met and spent hours almost every day with each other. On Msn, unless both have video and speech capabilities you are limited to the written text on the screen. If I can´t meet someone and give him/her that “eye” or the touch, I can´t do much more than to type “I like/love you” or similar. I may have overdone this with this friend, but once again, it was a Msn way of showing appreciation.
She told me she did not want this appreciation to be given to her so often as I might have given it to her. If you tell/show someone your appreciation too often it may not mean as much for the reciever as it was ment from the giver.
Well I disagree, simply because I think that very often we all give appreciation to each other without thinking about it. It can be a simple “thank you” look with our eyes, but this was on Msn so it had to be with written words and how can you not do one of those appreciating looks with your eyes that we do without thinking about it?
Anyway, it has now gone a few days and I think a miracle needs to happen if we are to come back to where we were and to go forward in to a beautiful friendship now when we have learned a bit more, but no one would be happier than me if that miracle shows up, because these days without her in my life have been very painfull.
To end this very long comment/post, I would just like to say…
Be sure to give someone a hug and tell them you love them.